Dregs of the Week: I Will Get Drunk for Amber Heard

Amber Heard 2013-06-24 Wallpaper Bar None Dregs AlKHall

Amber Heard Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the shot for a Wallpaper

Celebrity Dregs

June 6, 2013: Heard the Truth

An open letter to Amber Heard

Amber,

It has come to my attention that Johnny Depp is giving up booze for you. That you are responsible for ending the reign of acting’s most accomplished functional alcoholic is none of my business and not the subject of this letter.

You know me–and if you don’t, i’m the guy who left that stain on your doorstep–i’m no whiner. No, i’m here to declare my love for you in a way Johnny Depp never could (and that’s not a sex reference).

Johnny Boy will give up alcohol for you? So the fuck what? i’ll take up alcohol for you.

Let’s take a moment to think about this. By getting sober, Johnny’s life will become immeasurably better. He’ll feel better, think more clearly, sharpen his acting, augment his fortune, hone his guitar playing, increase his sexual prowess… Every aspect of his existence will improve. “If you stay with me, I promise to succeed more”? What kind of bullshit risk is that?

What i’m offering, Amber, is a real sacrifice.

i’ve been sober for 2 years, 5 months, and 16 days, so i know about the benefits awaiting JD if he goes off the sauce. But if you leave him for me, i promise to fall so hard off the wagon that the repercussions will be felt all over the world. i will give up everything for you, all the clarity, all the happiness, all the security, all the comforts, all the relief, all the courage, all the piece of mind i’ve accumulated since getting sober.

i think you’ll agree, mine is a more shining example of guts than what Johnny is showing.

Think it over, babe, and leave me a comment in the Comments section if you want to fuck up and get fucked up together.

Bottoms up,

Al K Hall

Unbeknownst to many, Amber dated Yosemite Sam before hooking up with Johnny

There’s hotter shots of her in my drawers, down there. ↓

Bar None Dregs

Saint Pauly, who gets funnier every time i look at him, has just posted two hilarious reviews on the first two Resident Evil movies over at WTF!? Watch the Film.